Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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