dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
