i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We need to rekindle our bromance
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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