I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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