I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
