when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
is it fun? or sober?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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