so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
