I just saw a hot homeless man
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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