my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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