i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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