I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
