I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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