I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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