in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
