Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We need to rekindle our bromance
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
