You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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