she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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