So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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