Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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