It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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