Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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