ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
