Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
