The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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