I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
