Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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