It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
