Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize