people are starting to question the shark bite story
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You are the jesus of drinking
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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