And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
