i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I will pee on everything he values.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
