You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize