I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
