It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
