dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
