i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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