She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
