Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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