Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
