were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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