hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
