Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
