8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??