Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?