If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
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The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is