Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
