Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
