I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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