She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
