He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
