Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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