You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
