Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
