dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
