census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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