i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
