allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Come see our sink grown plant.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
