those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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