Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
