Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
