Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
