alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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