Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Randomize
