I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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