If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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