me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
