you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
