i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
