So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
