Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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