My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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