Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
