I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
