The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
